Signs Someone Truly Values You: Part 1
They're not what you think...
The older we get, the more apparent it becomes that our time here is limited. With each day that passes, we have less time to make our dreams a reality, to spend time with those we love, and to experience the things we’ve always wanted to experience.
Time is the one resource that we can never ever get back or make more of, which is why we have to savor every moment and why it’s crucial to be conscious and particular about how we spend it.
None of us have time to be spending with the wrong people, which is why it’s so important to ensure that friendships are mutual and that you’re truly appreciated by the people you spend your time around.
Here are 10 signs that someone truly values you that most people don’t think about:
They ask about you. People naturally like to talk about themselves, that’s an inherent trait most humans have, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But we all know that one person who goes on and on about their recent projects, vacations, hobbies, and even problems without ever asking about what’s going on in your world. Do you feel positive emotions when you think of them? Likely not, so when you notice this in others, keep your distance. Someone who wants you around for the right reasons will treat you like a friend, not solely a sounding board. This means being interested in you, not just having you around.
They offer alternatives. This one is huge! And something I likely still wouldn’t know today, had my former boyfriend never taught me this concept. If you truly matter to someone, even if something can’t work out the way you originally request, they’ll propose another option.
For example, if you invite one of your friends to try out a new restaurant in town, and they are already booked on the date you ask them, they’ll provide other dates that will work for them.
Their response might sound something like: “I actually already have plans on the 12th of this month, could you do either the 20th or 21st instead?”
If you’re strapped for cash, and you ask your friend to borrow $75, even if they can’t offer you much, they aren’t just going to leave you on read.
They might say: “I don’t think I can swing $75 at the moment, but I can offer you $40, I would just need it back by next Wednesday. Would that help?”
The point is: someone who values you isn’t just going to leave you high and dry.
They reach out just to check in. This means there isn’t a request attached to every phone call they make to you. If it has been a while, and you mean something to someone, they’ll want to know how you’re doing. There’s a difference between the people who value you and the people who value access to you because they deem you a good resource. My longest and closest friend, Enrique is excellent at this. If a few weeks have gone by, I know that a “Hi Karissa” text or a random phone call in the middle of the day is coming. It’s such a simple gesture, but I light up inside every single time.
They get back to you within a reasonable time. No one is too busy to get back to you by the end of the day. Things happen sure, but if it regularly takes someone a day or more to respond to your text, you are not a priority to them, you’re an option/afterthought. If it was their gym crush, client, or a possible job offer, they wouldn’t be taking their sweet time to respond. Everyone’s busy. We make time for the things and people that are important to us.
They remember small details. My friend Lindsay who I’ve only known for a year now is phenomenal at this! Mid last year, I had mentioned to her one time when my birthday was when it came up in conversation. When December came around, she texted me and said, “I know your birthday is coming up soon, I’m hoping I didn’t miss it.” She didn’t, and on the day of my birthday, early in the morning, she texted me, “check your email”. I opened my email to find a Kate Spade gift card; again, something I only very briefly mentioned, months beforehand when I showed her a purse I had been eyeing.
She does this in other ways too. When we talk, she often says things like, “I remember you telling me ____” and “you mentioned that____”.
While not everyone is gifted with a sharp memory, everyone can pick up on small details about you. These details show in what you wear, what you post on social media, what events you attend, what hobbies you have, etc.
They reach out first, occasionally. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve seen IG Reels or TikToks of people who intentionally held back on reaching out to people they thought were their friends, just to never hear from them again. Many of them even considered this person their best friend. In most relationships, it’s not going to be an entirely even split, it may be 60/40. But if you’re always the one to initiate contact, that other person isn’t thinking about you.
When circumstances change, (you’re no longer co-workers, one of you moves farther away, that person gets involved in a new romantic relationship) often times, the relationship dwindles. If someone stops reaching out because it becomes slightly less convenient, you don’t matter enough to them.
People often think that regularly watching your IG stories is enough, but what that really shows is that they’re curious about you, therefore don’t want to lose touch completely.
They offer to help you with things that don’t benefit them (key word “offer”, not just accept). I need to credit Lindsay again. Last month, I went on an extended vacation to Europe, and was very concerned about my pets, especially my cat, since he sleeps in bed with me and had never been away from me for that long before. Three weeks before I left for the trip, without me even having to say anything, Lindsay and I were out to dinner, when she said: “I was gonna ask you, do you need someone to pet sit when you’re gone?”. She was even going to do it voluntarily, which I would never ask someone to do.
This was a huge relief for me because it meant my kitty and pocket parrot could stay in their own home while I was away. All I needed was someone to refill their food and tidy up their areas once per day. She even offered to drop-in twice per day which would be way above and beyond. While I was there, she kept me updated without me ever having to check in. I’ll never be able to explain how much this meant to me.
It’s easy for people to “help” you when they’ll get public recognition or when there’s something in it for them. But when someone does something out of the kindness of their heart because they want to help you, it shows where you stand in their life.
They don’t judge you in times you’re not at your best. Whether you’re not looking your best, you’re not as vivacious as you usually are, or have been going through a bout of depression lately, they’re mature enough to understand that as humans we have a wide range of emotions, and everyone has their “off” days.
Not too long ago, Lindsay and I had plans to hang out on a weeknight. We were both feeling low-energy, neither of us had gotten “ready” that day, and though we wanted to hang out, we weren’t up for going anywhere far. We decided on a fast-food joint 10 minutes down the road, that we were going to come as we were, and that we would only spend an hour there.
We ordered nothing but ice cream, sat in a booth, and had SO many laughs that night. Funny enough, we both thought that the other looked put together, despite our loungy clothes and not having our hair or makeup done.
This was the first time in my life I had ever been comfortable enough with someone to do that. We only stayed for a little over an hour, but it ended up being SO worth it. When you’re able to show up in your rawest form and still feel comfortable, it really says something about the person that you’re with.
They’re willing to inconvenience themselves. Just like you’re willing to do the same for them sometimes. I have to credit myself here. Story time…
Some years ago, I was living in North County; the region of San Diego that is closest to LA, but still takes about an hour and a half to get to. I was only there for about 9 months, and I knew it wouldn’t be permanent, so I didn’t share it with my out-of-town friends.
While I was living there, my friend Safa (from Chicago) said she was going to be in Downtown LA for one night on a work trip and asked if I could meet up. I hadn’t seen her in three years, so I told her I would, but I didn’t get off of work until close to rush hour, so it would likely take close to three hours to get there. She was like “Oh wow, never mind then.” But I wanted to see her, and us living so far apart, I didn’t know the next time I would have the chance, so I made the drive there. Safa is mad talented at finding good restaurants, so we ended up going to Bottega Louie, the most reviewed restaurant in the entire country. The pizza was delicious and it was a blast catching up. I had no regrets about the drive, and she intentionally booked a room with two beds so I could stay the night.
If someone truly cares, going out of their way at times shouldn’t be a problem provided you do the same for them. This can look like staying up later than usual to talk you through a dilemma, being willing to meet at your house instead of theirs all the time, or coming to your place to help you with household chores after you just had a procedure.
They defend you in your absence. This one is MAJOR for me. If someone starts to talk behind your back, or accuse you of something when you’re not around, someone who values you will put a stop to it immediately. Even if that other person is their friend. Even if they don’t know the whole story. They will give you the benefit of the doubt and hear out your side of the story before blindly accepting what someone else says. They’re not just going to be silent about it. Your real friends would find it offensive that someone is/was talking about you, and they wouldn’t stand by and let it happen for fear of ruffling some feathers.
